Did the Lakers choose the best player out of the free agency field?
(Editor’s Note: The contents of this article are mostly satirical in nature, if it was not immediately clear. That said, Calvin Cambridge has retired from his side-job of rapping so that part could be true.)
A couple days ago, to the surprise of many, the Lakers agreed to terms with Chinese big man Yi Jianlian. In an unshocking sequence of events, Lakers Twitter questioned the move then proceeded to justify it by finding the best nickname for the newest Laker. Wait, that was only me? Never mind. The jury is still out.
What Lakers Twitter does not know, is that one of my sources came to me with a list of free agents the team was considering before coming to terms with Yi.
As a Lakers Outsiders exclusive here is that same list, which includes some fairly large names.
1. Calvin Cambridge
Having recently retired from a career in music, Cambridge may be ready to lace them back up again. Cambridge was just 13 years old in his lone NBA season, and at 27, there is still time for him to jump-start his career. Having skills Like Mike, ‘CC’ was seen as the next Jordan until his career came to an unexpected end. The Lakers seem to have their guard rotation set, so signing Cambridge would have been a bit of a head-scratcher.
2. The tall actor from the film ‘Thunderstruck’
This guy is relatively unknown. What pops out to me initially is this guy’s length, I mean, almost like a human tarantula. He could be anywhere from 6’9″ to 7′ feet tall. In order to portray Kevin Durant in a movie, you have to have a pretty unique skill-set. I’d be willing to bet this guy had a career overseas, I just need to do more digging. The Lakers could use some depth at the wing, but this guy is a complete question mark. This actor could be the next Brandon Ingram, but it may be too late to tell.
3. Sun Yue
One of the reasons the Lakers wanted to lure Yi to LA was to keep the Chinese fanbase intact after Kobe Bryant’s retirement. But why not bring back a name Lakers fans universally love? Sun Yue was the driving force behind the Finals victory over the Boston Celtics. At age 30, his on-court contribution may be less than desired, but Yue is positive locker room presence that this young Lakers team needs.
After losing their biggest star in Bryant, the Lakers could use Yue and his massive stardom to get fans in seats. Clearly a misjudgment by the front office to not bring Yue back.
4. Barack Obama
Obama will be out of office in January, allowing him to find a new line of work. The Lakers need a veteran presence with command and good decision making. Reporters would appreciate how well-spoken Mr. President is. Jersey sales would go through the roof. He’d be an absolute hit. Obama isn’t a slouch on the court, either. Mr. President was on the varsity basketball team in high school and his brother-in-law was in the NBA in the 80’s. Obama’s first order of business in office with the Lakers? Giving everybody buckets.
5. Kobe Bryant
Kobe Bean Bryant. During his interview with Time Warner Cable Sportsnet, he mentioned how ball movement is key and how he thinks the Lakers have a good young core. The Mamba also mentioned he’s always around for the team. Kobe is clearly ready to make a comeback. I miss Kobe. Do not @ me.