The basketball world is often unpredictable, but some things are clear to see. It doesn’t take an extremely sharp mind to know things like Kevin Durant is not coming to the Lakers this summer. The same can be said about Kobe Bryant being done with professional basketball. A return would be nonsensical and wouldn’t be good for Bryant or the team he returns with. However, Fox Sports’ Jason Whitlock has a feeling that the Mamba won’t be content with hanging them up.
— Speak For Yourself (@SFY) June 29, 2016
That was…something. And don’t fret, our buddy Jason backed it up, to ensure it is going to happen.
Mark my words! Kobe plays for the Knicks next season. https://t.co/xzWhfsHhY9
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) June 29, 2016
In the spirit of collecting ourselves and preaching our well-thought-out takes, I’ve come up with a few bold predictions myself; being that Whitlock set such a great example.
1.) Stephen Jackson returns as a player/coach for the Lakers.
I’m told Golden State has shown interest in Stephen Jackson in a coaching role . But Jackson, 38, hopes to make a PLAYING return next season
— Marc Stein (@ESPNSteinLine) June 29, 2016
Jackson fills not one, but TWO needs for the Lakers. Wing depth and another coach to fill out Luke Walton’s staff. Jackson has offered some key advice to the Lakers young guys in the past, speaking on Byron Scott and how “snitches get stitches”.
“He is the WORST communicator for young guys.”
— 120 Sports (@120Sports) January 6, 2016
I think this could work out for both parties. Stephen Jackson…Jackson…Jackie…Jackie Moon. The proof is in the pudding, folks.
2.) Byron Scott replaces Adam Silver as NBA Commissioner.
The league has gone soft. We all are thinking it, but Byron Scott is the only one man enough to say it. Scott would lead the NBA back to the days of elbowin’ cats coming down the lane. The days of the ‘one and done’ college players would come to an end; Grayson Allen would go #1 in next year’s NBA Draft. Tripping would be encouraged. Deputy Commissioner Mark Tatum would lose his job to Kobe Bryant, only for Bryant to really run things with Scott as his puppet.
3.) Ivica Zubac wins Rookie of the Year.
Sorry, Ben Simmons and Brandon Ingram. This is Ivica Zubac’s year. Zubac was drafted by his favorite NBA team, and he’s coming to the USA to show what he’s made of. The Laker blood is running strong through his veins, and nothing will get in Zubac’s way of becoming the next great big in Los Angeles. Wearing their jerseys, Zubac will summon the powers of prime Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol (à la Space Jam) and start on his path to NBA immortality. I liken the opposition’s situation to being up a creek without a paddle, or better yet, in a cave full of Zubats with no repels.
4.) Shaq returns to the NBA, goes on farewell tour with every team he’s played with.
Speaking of great Lakers bigs, Shaquille O’Neal is not done with basketball. Inside the NBA is a solid gig, but nothing is comparable to getting on the court.
The Diesel is clearly ready to make a comeback, and in a fashion that only Shaq can pull off. The Big Aristotle is going to play for all six NBA franchises in one year. 30 games for the Lakers, 20 games for the Magic, 17 for the Heat, and five each for the Suns, Cavs, and Celtics. Shaq is what is going to sell tickets, even if he breaks in half on his first post touch.
5.) Jason Whitlock gets a job as an NBA Executive.
Whitlock has time-in and time-out shown the chops to make it in an NBA front office. The Kobe to the Knicks suggestion should be the final step to making basketball decisions for one lucky franchise. Whitlock is clearly ahead of everyone else in his thinking, proving it with quotes like this one about Andrew Wiggins being traded:
Andrew Wiggins is from Canada. And Canadian athletes among NBA players and NBA people perhaps don’t want it as much as even some of the Europeans and certainly the American players. I think they’re going all out for Kevin Love. I think that’s what LeBron James wants. I think that’s what they believe in. I think they will move Andrew Wiggins at all costs.
That’s not enough to prove his understanding of NBA players?
I didn’t see “Momma’s boy” in Kevin Durant‘s scouting report, but that is the kind of inside information that Whitlock brings. NBA teams all around are wasting time not adding Whitlock to their brain trust.
6.) Kobe Bryant returns to STAPLES Center..to fight ghosts.
Kobe Bryant had always suited up in the Purple and Gold armor at STAPLES Center, but this time around he’ll need a special kind of uniform. A Ghostbusters uniform.
Yes, he was in the commercial for the movie, but it’s for real this time. If Kevin Garnett (sigh) was correct with the assumption that anything is possible, then why rule out the possibility of ghosts? Many teams’ seasons have died in that building, and they are back with a vengeance. The only one who can stop them is the man who originally killed them: Kobe Bryant. Pick up that proton pack, Mr. Bryant, you’re going to be taking them out in a different way than with the elbow jumper this time.